I got to a stage in my mind that I gave God a week. I said, "God, if you really love me, please show me. But if you don't show me in a week's time, I'm going to take my life." I was born in London. My father was from Manchester. My mother was Irish. Mom and dad decided to immigrate to New Zealand. I ended up becoming quite rebellious because of the things that was going on at home. There was a lot of rejection and there was a lot of physical abuse and I ended up running away several times. And as a result of that, I was made a state ward.
I did the same thing there. I ran away from there many, many times too. I later on had a relationship with a guy and I became pregnant to him. My parents weren't supportive of me in any way. I was really on my own and I was quite frightened. One day I met a guy in the square. I was with a girlfriend. Stan came along and the girl that I was with was called Rona Mae and she knew Stan. And she called out to him and they started talking and I just stood there, feeling like a gooseberry. But anyway, when he walked away, I said to Rona Mae, "I'm going to marry him."
I don't know why I said that, but I just suddenly knew I was going to marry him. I hadn't even spoken to him. Eventually, we met up again and we were met and married within six weeks, and six weeks later, I had a baby. And we moved out to a place called Leeston. But during that time we were living out there, we were very isolated. I felt very lonely and became very depressed and I didn't like being depressed at all. So I went to the doctors and he gave me some tablets to take and they just made me very sleepy, and I didn't like being sleepy, so I just threw them down the toilet.
My mood became in a dark place and I started thinking about life and death. And my mind got to such a stage that I remember one night being in bed and I could see myself outside of my body, going to the kitchen, getting a knife and taking my life. I got to a stage in my mind that I gave God a week. I said, "God, if you really love me, please show me. But if you don't show me in a week's time, I'm going to take my life because I can't live like this any longer."
And you know what? Right on the very last day, two men, one Sunday afternoon, while Steve was away milking, knocked on my door and their names were Neville Henman and Barry McConnell. They were inviting people to come to one of their meetings, but they said that when they got to my door, when they knocked on it, they just used a different approach. They said, "Can we introduce you to the Lord Jesus Christ?" And I had a light bulb moment. I said, "Come in, I've been waiting for you." And of course they were dumbfound. They looked at each other and was very surprised.
And so I said, "Come in, I've been waiting for you." So they came in and they told me all about Jesus and how he loved me, and how I could be born again, and how I could go to heaven. And I was just ready for it. So they prayed with me. I repented on my sins and I asked Jesus to come into my life and take over the reigns of my life, so that I could no longer live with myself, which wasn't going too good anyway, but to live for him. The biggest thing that he dealt with in my life was dealing with that fear and that torment.
And I had someone that prayed with me and I was set free from a spirit of fear and a tormenting spirit, which you've got no idea what it felt like to have that lifted off your life. Even things look brighter, the greens look greener, the sky looked bluer, everything. It's like something fell from my eyes as well. Prior to being a Christian, I had no dreams, no ambitions, no hope, no place to go. Didn't think I could amount to anything or do anything. And you thank God, he totally changed things around and had us doing things that were way outside of my box. It's like, God really believed in us.
And so I feel totally fulfilled in God, happy, peaceful, restful, still have a great hope for the future, not only for myself, but for my children, my grandchildren, my great grandchildren, and for the life of the church. If you want to know truth, who is Jesus, he is the way the truth and the only life. He will move heaven and earth to get to you. He will reveal himself to you. That would be the most important thing I could say.