When I was 14, just out of nowhere, I went into a phase of sexual abuse by someone that was older than me, a married man. He abused me sexually every day for three months. I cried out to God for years, you know literally 10 years, that I could forgive, that I could be healed, that I could really let go of that. I really struggled because I wanted to forgive and I wanted to be free, but I really struggled because I still felt pain, I still felt this shame and guilt. So from 14 to 24 I carried incredible shame, incredible guilt and I literally blamed myself. I didn't really tell anybody, maybe one friend at school from age 14 to 20. Then I told my mum and dad at age 20 and that was the process where healing began.
And then when I was 24, thank God, I went to a meeting with a guest speaker at my church at the time, and he just said, "If you have had trauma in your life, come out the front now." I felt this tug from God, like really strong. I knew God was saying, "Go." I went out the front and the speaker prayed for me. When he prayed for me something definitely left me. I know I had a spirit of trauma, whatever you want to call it, and I felt it leave my body. I think I screamed or cried, I fell on the ground. It wasn't because of anything anyone said or did, I just know God used this person and this night to set me free. I know that God literally removed that trauma. I felt free and lighter and just like a different person.
I had no idea what had happened until about a couple months in, when I was made aware that the person who had sexually abused me for three months, was going to be at this same event that I was going to be at and this same place. Normally I would run, I would not go. I would not want to see this person for obvious reasons. But this time I was like, "You know what? I'm going to test this out." I literally remember talking to this person and then this person wanted to speak to me, and just this peace of God came over me, and then they basically said to me that they wanted to apologize to me for what they'd done to me. This man, this fully grown man started weeping like a little boy and apologizing to me, and I stood there with so much strength and confidence and security, and I basically told him, "I've forgiven you. Jesus forgives you." And I said, "Who am I to hold unforgiveness towards you? I forgave you already and you are free. You are completely free." All I did is say that and I hugged him, gave him a massive hug, no fear at all, gave him a massive hug, and he's sobbing on my shoulder, this fully grown man, over 40 years of age.
God had told me before that moment, "Don't worry, I've got it. There's going to be a time that you are going to forgive him. When you forgive him, he's going to forgive himself. He's going to receive God's love. He's going to receive God's forgiveness." So this man actually received God's forgiveness as well for himself, and he said, "I feel like a huge weight's being taken off my shoulders."
To this day I don't carry the shame of that, I don't blame myself for that, and I can honestly say that I know I have clean hands and a pure heart before God, and I don't need anyone to applaud me. If I died today, I know that my heavenly father is pleased, I would go straight to heaven and He is pleased with me.
I would like to say to you, don't ever give up on finding God. Don't ever give up on finding your destiny in him. Don't ever give up on the dreams he's placed in your heart and just hold onto those, hold onto Jesus, hold onto those tightly, and never, ever, let anyone define you.